Gift Cards

     Have you ever wished there was a currency similar to crypto but also not similar at all? A currency that, unlike Bitcoin, you can actually spend on things other than drugs and murder-for-hire scams? A currency with a value that doesn't swing wildly because a coke fuelled tech CEO decided to tweet about it at 3am? Well friends, that currency exists, I just invented it. Introducing Yallars.

    How it works is simple: you exchange monies for them. That's it!

    Finally, right? That's what you're thinking, yeah? Finally! Finally, an easy way to tell your friends, family, even your dog walker's creepy cousin, Edmundo, who wears a cape and cuts his own hair:

        "Hey! What happened to you? No, I'm not talking about the tribal tattoo you got on your face because you dreamt Mike Tyson died, refused to believe anyone that he wasn't dead, and wanted to "memorialize a champion!" although we should really discuss that at some point. I'm talking about your fit! It used to drip so much I wouldn't let you in my car unless you had a towel to sit on, but recently... your fit is barely even damp! You used to drip so much you'd carry around a 'wet floor' sign, remember? Remember the wet floor sign? Before the Mike Tyson obsession, before the tribal tats on your face, oh how those days feel so long ago. 

     That's why I got you Yallars! They're a guaranteed way to make any fit drip. So turn on the sprinklers and let's make those floors a slipping hazard again!"

     Available now.