'𝘌𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘥 𝘊𝘪𝘵𝘺' Hoodie

    Emerald City, baby! It's the capital city of Oz, a fictional land from L. Frank Baum's 1900 smash-hit The Wizard of Oz, as well as the ~90 other books published throughout the 20th and 21st century by both Baum and, after his death, his estate would appoint various 'successors,' aka a bunch of phony wannabes. Based on the notion of a "shining city on a hill," a phrase made popular by Jesus of Nazareth, then later stolen & repackaged by Ronald Reagan of California, the city shines both metaphorically and literally which is odd considering its constructed entirely from black tar & iron ore. Just kidding, it's sole construction material is facking emeralds. Side note: Emerald City is the sister city to the lesser known, but just as uncreatively named, Sapphire City (I wonder what it's made from?)

     The irony (enjoy that iron ore pun, its the last you'll get) of building a city from emeralds is that the engineers would've had to ignore something called 'structural integrity.' On the plus side however, they did get an entire city that looks like tacky bathroom decor only a blind coke dealer from 1950 would appreciate so .  because in reality Emerald stones are notorious for having fissures that render them prone to cracking, and so any emerald that gets sold in stores must first undergo heavy modifications & treatment procedures that require the application of oils to give it a smooth & clear appearance. So an entire city made of translucent green gems prone to cracking means it doesn't matter how many free pilates classes the leasing office is willing to throw it, you absolutely should not rent that apartment because the life span of that building and its occupants is ~2 weeks. 

Ultimately none of this would dissuade some people from moving in though because people naturally want the shiney status symbol. The rubies, diamonds, sapphire, jade and especially the aquamarine (shout-out all the aquamarine freaks out there,  I see you!) The thing people REALLY want though is to be the first of their friends to discover a hidden gem, and thats where these clothes come in...

(　＾▽＾)👉👉  www.saintyams.com 

    In the end, emeralds are a mirage, much like diamonds, rubies, sapphire & jade, they're shiney rocks we collectivly decided have value just so our ancestors could use them as a status symbol. Literally every community does this, normies on Tiktok gawk at the various Labubus dangling from a celebrities burkin bag, incels show off their crusty waifu body pillows to eachother, and sickos like me brag about how many pieces of recycled trash were used in the hand-sewn speedo I made my dog last year on his birthday (fyi it was seven,  seven pieces of recycled trash). People dont care if any of this is rational, or the feasibility of this behavior over time, and absolutely nobody cares about the science behind these shiney green stones other than geologists and frankly, they're all perverts. What people care about is the aspirationally coded status those shiny rocks can offer. We want the loft in the emerald high-rise even if the average live span of residents is 3 weeks, we want the brightly colored jewelry without some Greenpeace activist who spent 100k on grad school only to then go live in a tent in Nicaragua to save a rare species of green peas or something who drones on and on about 'unsafe working conditions'. Tell that activist, "Get lost Heather! Your dad's a congressmen and your mom's an underwater basket weaver, if I ever want a lesson on how to be unlikable, I'll call!" But the thing that people want most of all, the thing each of us desires more than anything else, is to be the first of our friends to have discovered a rare, little, priceless gem. 💚 

____________________________________

     An intricately paneled & patchwork hoodie with matching prints on the torso and sleeves, a large hood & drawstring, and every shade of cyan under the sun. Cozy, comfy, and countless pieces of thick green cotton.

    Tax free. 1 of 1. Unisex. Fits comfortably loose. 100% cotton. Made in Canada.

Size: XL

Measurements
    • Length: 24"
    • Pit to pit: 23"