'𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴: 𝘈 𝘏𝘰𝘸-𝘵𝘰 𝘎𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘦' Tee

     Obviously the government is up to something nefarious, but what?! And more importantly, how can you personally benefit from it?! These are questions that humans have asked since time immemorial, but with constant lies coming from the television and A.I. dog shit stinking up the internet, where does one turn for answers in these confusing and chaotic times?!

      Well friend, we've got your answer! With this oversized, heavy cotton black tee with custom prints on the front and back, you'll be introduced to the secrets of living a fashionable life! Ever wanted to go astral gazing through secret sub-arctic Atlantean strongholds? Interested in linking your mind to the GPUs running the simulated universe until you're literally seeing everything in neon green computer code like in The Matrix? Perhaps you'd like to use telepathic powers to scare the shit out of your dog?

     Jeez buddy, that's pretty messed up... how about we leave the poor dog alone and instead you telepathically, or physically, order this shirt! Upon receiving your order, you'll immediately be privy to ancient esoteric knowledge passed down by enlightened monks, Templar raiders, level 99 Druids and alchemists who take golden showers, each keeping this sacred info out of the public eye. Well those Druids can suck farts because we've decided to release it to the world for f̶r̶e̶e̶ a modest fee! Your welcome, world!

    Uncover the mysteries of quantumn immortality! Visualize the digital reality!  Conquer metaphysics-ality! These powers are only available for a limited time so don't miss out on your chance to meet the reptilian overlords, snoop through archives of recovered alien crafts, or simply relax and play checkers with the 37th dimensional beings in charge of the simulation we call home!!

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    Tax free. Unisex. Fits oversized. 100% cotton.