'𝘖𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘎𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘳' Crewneck Sweater

   Baby blue patchwork crewneck sweater with a futuristic paneled design contrasted by the serif lettering accross the back. Decorative stars & crosses cover the right sleeve. Fits true to size. 100%  French terry cotton. Made in Canada.

       Inspired by an electro trance remix of the hit pop song 'I Want Candy' released in 2000 by Aaron Carter & later remixed by a local Cialis dealer-turned-DJ & re-released on Youtube. Years later, at a Riverdale themed roller disco birthday party, & completely unbeknownst to me, the universe had conspired with fate to set into motion a series of circumstances that culminated in me hearing that same Cialis fueled remixed version being played from the external speaker of a friend's Motorola Razr flip phone held directly pressed to my ear in order to hear it over the melodic sway of saccharine sweet pop music pulsating at deafening volume throughout the roller disco.

     It was there, standing on the moldy floorboards in a shadowy corner of a soon-to-be condemned roller disco while dressed as 'sexy Jughead' I began seeing visions of what would ultimately become this sweater. However, the visions were blurry & incomplete as if they were being transmitted to me from some distant, albeit familiar presence; little did I know thats precisely what was happening. Unfortunately, while traveling through triple star systems & dust clouds that spanned light years in length, the hyper-focused transmission had lost some tiny, sugary, & crucial piece over the course of its journey. Of course, I had no way of knowing this at the time but the transmission's fructose photoids had been entirely radiated somewhere off the crest of the Neptunian moon, Triton. Without a synaptic glucose substitute streamlined directly into my brain immediately, the entire transmission, and thus the visions of next level sweaters, would be incomplete, but where would would such a substitute possibly emerge from?

     Compressed, muffled, constantly buffering & drowned out by the oppressive melody of Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Call Me Maybe', anything emitted by my friend's Motorola Razr that even slightly resembled music would have been utterly obliterated before reaching my cochlear...that is, almost anything.  Despite the unimaginable odds, a single nanosecond (one billionth of a second) of that candy coated chorus had crawled its way through my inner ear and the moment it reached my brain, in planck time, I was blinded by an incredible white light like a caged supernova had been set free to explode out into the vast emptiness of space. That unfathomably small snippet of music had been the missing piece, like the ignition spark that starts the combustion in an engine. The imperceivably small soundwave rendered clear the once blurry visions of a sweater made of cotton, constructed in as many shades of blue as there are waves on the ocean, & as cozy as being cuddled by a gazillion white bunnies. Now, like the Greek god Prometheus who stole fire from Mount Olympus & gifted it to save mankind, I too shall bring mankind a gift. Traveling horizontally accross the interdimensional membrane that connects all universes like synapses in a brain, each piece of this sweater was sewn by a different version of me before being sent to the next in a hyper-foil transmission through gravitational circuitry & ionized wormholes to its next dimension, fueled by cosmic winds & guided by destiny itself, the last piece of this energized sweater has been sewn and thus its journey ends here with me, with us.  Universes are sometimes forged in the tides of infinity or bubble up from the quantum foam, but this blue universe? This one was sewn. 

Size: Medium

Measurements:
    • Length: 21.5"
    • Pit to pit: 23.5"