'𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘢 𝘙𝘶𝘱𝘦: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘚𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮'𝘴 𝘓𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘧' Long Sleeve Shirt

    Out in the vastness of our solar system, far beyond the cozy circular orbits of inner planets where Mercury,  Venus, Earth & Mars all huddle together for warmth like kittens in a cozy reading nook, the outer planets are on some other shit. If the inner planets are soft, dumb kittens, the outer planets are ...well, big ass planets. Violently whipping around under pressures that turn hydrogen into diamonds, with atmospheres eager to shred anything that comes into contact. The void and vaccum that loiters just beyond our inner planetary sanctum, that vast & endless haunting space where temperatures regularly approach absolute zero turning friction into paradox; where black holes & pulsars & any number of impossible engines roar without rest, burning carelessly through invisible energies of quarks & quantum foam; where not one, but two layers of debris confine us to our local groups, astroids pelting through rock & dust like shards of steel & glass; each of these forsaken dangers exist among an infinite more in the blackness of space like sharks in the deep. This kingdom of terror, this abyss, deep space, has ominously loomed over every Earthen vessel since our dawn like a Lovecraftian eldritch god for whom a billion years must pass in an instant, and who's lifespan can uniquely be described as 'eternal.' 

    It's in this ancient cosmic dustbowl of our solar system, where so-called 'gas giants' scoot accross their orbital planes much like a fart would if you gave it more mass and released it from the confines of 'friction' (I'm always telling people how much more productive I would be if I were unburdened by the unbreakable shackles of 'friction.') It's within these long, dramatic elliptical orbits we find our destination, a shiney grey rock perpetually shuffling around one of the most comically referenced planets, Uranus. It's a wee, icy moon called Miranda. It's the innermost of Uranus' moons and consists primarily of rock & ice; and, as I understand it, is an exceptionally unremarkable object. That is, aside from a single outlier feature: Verona Rupe. As the cosmic winds would have it, Miranda is home to the solar system's largest cliff, technically called a 'scarp' and named Verona Rupe after some nerdy Shakespere play. This sheer drop is situated along the moon's equator & is a gnarly 20 km in height. Think about that, a TWENTY kilometer drop. If you were standing on Earth at sea level and went 20 km up, you would suffocate within seconds while also freezing to death because you would be in the friggen' stratosphere! You would be above the weather, far above where jets fly, and from your perspective, you would be in space, seeing Earth as a single gargantuan planetary body below and stretching far into the horizon in all directions while above you would be the entire sky, obsidian black but shimmering boldly as the infinite star systems, nature's incomprehensible fusion bois & galactic filaments are revealed in their fullest, their view finally free of any atmospheric interference. But on Miranda, aka the little-moon-that-could, 20 km aint shit, its just another Tuesday. Miranda is the original boss babe. Sorry Tina Fey, 13 billion years too late!

   One more fact: if you were driving up the 20 km cliff (or 'scarp') at 20 km/h, it would take you ...a while to get to the top. Im no mathematics expert but trust me, you'd be driving for a hot minute, maybe even two! #sciencebitch. None of this has anything to do with this shirt, I just wanted to wax poetically about a big roc. It's my site, I'll write what I want! You don't know me.

But yo seriously, this shirt is sick!!!

   Tax free. 1 of 1. Unisex. Fits true to size. 100% cotton.

Size: Medium -Large

Measurements:

Length: 25"
Pit to pit: 19.5"